An Issue of Intimacy

"I long for a safe place where I can experience intimacy without fear; where I can allow my deepest tears to flow and be mutually felt. Is there a place like that? Ever? Will I ever know what it is like to have my vulnerability be met with perfect love?"

I recently wrote these words in my journal. After a time of being deeply cared for, I still felt much longing in my heart. Though there were many emotions playing inside of me, I still felt a deeper emptiness that called for something more, something beyond the friends, family, and many other blessings that surround me. I felt a need for something bigger than just what was immediately available, something greater than me.

As I continue to reflect on those words, my mind wanders back to the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve knew what it was like to be completely full. Seriously, they spent their evenings with God. They had complete, trusting intimacy with each other. Everything was just as it was meant to be, but it didn't last. The beautiful picture of what man was meant to be was soon shattered, and man lost the intimacy and connection that he was made for. I doubt I really have any comprehension of what was truly lost in those tragic moments.

I wonder what Adam and Eve felt on their first night out of the Garden. It must have been awful. Adam no longer had the direct presence of his Creator, and was faced with the responsibility of providing for his own survival. The person created to assist him and complete him was also distanced from him. For the first time, Adam knew isolation. While there was still a shattered reflection of what should have been, it just wasn't enough. Really, it must have seemed pretty hopeless.

BUT,

There was a promise. Separation would not last forever. Perfect intimacy, without sin or separation would someday be restored.

Six thousand years later, give or take a few centuries, here I sit in my kitchen, feeling the separation, knowing the place where something should be that isn't. The twinge of fear when betrayal rears its ugly head, the ache in my chest when I miss someone, the disappointment felt as a friend passes by oblivious- all seem to touch that place where something should be, and just like Adam and Eve, I feel pretty hopeless. Fighting for relationships gets tiring. Confusion feels overwhelming. Muddled communication seems to be inescapable.

BUT,

There is a promise, and its being fulfilled right now. The Child was born, the Lamb died, and Death is defeated. Now, right now, God is putting the finishing touches on His bride. The veil is being lowered, the music is starting, creation is anxiously awaiting the restoration of what should be. It won't be long until the separation is gone, the promise is complete, and God's Son has a bride. The longing and emptiness no longer speaks of what once was, but cries for what is to come.

And, as a significant side note, this is where Christmas gets real for me. The real longing and the tears, as well as the real promise that is being actively fulfilled in my life, are what Christmas is about to me.